My late mom’s birthday is close. July 31.
Right about now, still after five birthdays have passed, this uneasy feeling starts to settle on me ahead of my mom’s birthday. It’s like my whole body and heart know that July 31 is approaching. Melancholy hits, restlessness digs in.
The lead up to July 31 is a rocky path. Psychically, my brain is still programmed and is waiting for the regular activities that should be happening right now.
It’s time to plan how we’re going to celebrate your day. I’d be shopping for your gifts, a card. I’d be asking you what kind of cake you want this year. Do you want me to make you dinner or do you want to go out?
There are lots of pitfalls in grief. Sometimes you don’t see them and they rip you to pieces. Sometimes you learn where they are and you can prepare for them.
Smart and sweet G suggested that we should just fill the day with Mom’s favorites.
ABBA on the speakers. Certain songs that we’d sing in the car with particular dance moves…Glory Days, Hard to Handle, Better Be Good to Me.
Mom’s favorite dish: pork.
Ham, ham steak, breaded pork chops, honey brined pork chops. My friend, Cheryl, still laughs that whenever she asked me what we had for dinner, the answer was ham.
Anything peach.
Mom was ecstatic when it was time for peaches. Peach ice cream, cobblers, crisps, grilled peaches drizzled with honey, you name it. She had pitchers of peach iced tea at the ready in the summertime.
Pound cake.
Mom would keep a Sara Lee pound cake in the freezer in case of emergencies. She’d use it for Fourth of July flag cake or for a trifle, chunks of pound cake with berries and whipped cream. Sometimes she’d just take out the pound cake and steal a few slices for a snack.
A beach sunset.
I keep waiting for the time when July leaves me alone. When I can just cruise through the month and then on July 31, celebrate my mom’s birthday with joy and love and cheers. In the meantime, I’ll spend this month missing her, missing rituals, and celebrating the fact that she was here and she was my mom.
Thanks again for reading. I care about you. Please don’t forget to eat your greens.
July Blues
Your mom was a force of nature to behold! Strong, tell it like it is - with a bit of sarcasm, funny, very kind-hearted and creative!! I definitely miss her and hold memories of her close, since knowing her from the time I was 10 years old. So many good memories. Her driving in the station wagon with the music blaring and us singing at the top of our lungs. Her teaching me hospital corners when making beds at the cottages in the summers. I still do it that way and think of her while I'm doing it - would Gail approve? Watching her dance while sweeping with a broom and singing her own words to Every Breath You Take - every cake you make, every dish you break, every yard you rake - I still sing her words and laugh out loud. Eating HAM. I do love ham and I love peaches - so I think of her anytime I eat those 2 things and have an extra dose in July, just for her. I love that she froze cookies for us to frost together because I only like the frosting of the cookies part. All the visits in the many places she lived were always fun. And there was always baking or treats involved!
Grief is hard. It ebbs and flows, but never goes away, even after many years, but remembering the good times and what she gave to us during her life is the best way to honor her. I think she would approve. Sending you many hugs because I know how hard it was to lose her. 💕
Yes! Grilled peaches, grilled poundcake! As a fellow Leo, I will celebrate your mom. It's Leo season, so celebrating someone you loved so much, and who loved you, is the absolute right thing to do. Love that you and G will be indulging in HER favorites. It brings her close to you. One of the things about grief is that it's love that has nowhere to go. But you'll be expressing your love for her with the actions you're taking, making your love real in the world when you listen to her music or enjoy her favorite foods, so your love has somewhere to go -- out into the world! Bravo! XOX